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Posts Tagged ‘satire’

Peace loving Jew can’t get enough of licking Arab boots

Slave

Illustration: A Jewish peace activist doing what he does best

Yonatan Bar-Submission, an Israeli ‘Peace Now’ activist, just can’t seem to have enough of the taste of delicious boots worn by Muslim and Arab parties.

The eager peace lover was seen recently in a major protest against various Israeli activities (such as breathing air that Arabs say belong to them, or existing within fifty miles of a mosque), when he is kneeling all the way down to the floor, and ravenously licking the footwear of Islamic fundamentalists, begging to be forgiven for his terrible crimes, and also to be whipped for being a ‘naughty bad boy’.

“We just came here to kill Jews”, says Ahmed bin Mahmoud, an Arab peace activist, while throwing fist-sized rocks at nearby Israeli schoolkids, “and this worm just insists on kissing my sandals, or asking me to kick him in the stomach and call him a ‘worthless slave’. I don’t know about you, but such things make me feel very uneasy.”

Salam Salem Saleikum, a Hamas Imam and recreational suicide bomber, offered an educated explanation for the curious phenomena:
“Countless centuries of constant abuse have created a distorted, warped sort of Jew, who – much like a kidnap victim who identifies with his kidnappers – shows absolute loyalty to whatever party wants to kill his own people. In their case, the incessant, limitless groveling, with false pretenses of enlightenment, is nothing more than a survival tactic. Basically these shameless traitors are so certain of their own people’s defeat, that they immediately ally themselves with any sort of enemy – no matter who he is or what he stands for.”

When asked about the subject, Abu-Slaughter, head of the western implanted Arab government in the ancient Israeli homeland of Judea, had the following to say:
“Personally, I find them quite amusing. It will also be a lot of fun to torture and murder them after we’re done killing all the Israelis who are still willing to put up a fight.”

With Israeli-Arab peace talks going into their next phase in Washington, true, everlasting peace in the middle east has never seemed so close.

American government commemorates 9/11 with Statue of Opression

Statue of Opression

The new Statue of Opression, celebrating the inevitable defeat of dhimmi Americans.

NYC, NY, September 11th, 2010 (ESN): Thousands of people, including Mayor Bloomberg, and other prominent members of city hall, were present at the unveiling ceremony of the new Statue of Liberty, which was built to better represent the cultural diversity of America, following the demands of moderate Islamic clergy members, such as Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf, the Iron Sheik, and Osama Bin-Laden.

The face of the revised statue is covered with a 30-foot long burqa, its torch of freedom was replaced with an AK-47, and the tablet in its other hand was replaced with a Quran.

But despite a heart-felt speech by Mayor Bloomberg, who repeatedly said that “America is at war with terror, not Islam”, Imam Rauf insisted that the statue will not deter the Ummah from demanding more equality from narrow-minded American bigots.

“Some racists keep saying that we follow the concept of Taqiyya, which allows Muslims to deceive the Kuffar in order to achieve some sort of ‘evil’ goal, but that is entirely untrue – Islam is peace, the burqa is female liberation, and slavery is freedom.”

When asked about the next goals of the ‘obliteration of all infidels initiative’, the Imam smiled a coy, gentle smile, before sharing his thoughts with us:
“We are a simple people. All we want is to change ‘Independance day’ to ‘Public stoning day’, replace the American national anthem with ‘Mohammed my one true love’ – which can only be sung by six-year-old girls, and erect a giant black tower of understanding in the middle of Manhattan, to block out the sun, and bring a thousand years of darkness upon the kuffars.”

Mayor Bloomberg has already pledged to promote the aforementioned initiative, codenamed “project overlord”, and pay for it from his own tax-payer money.

Categories: ESN, Satire

Gangstas receive an award for multicultural understanding, after shooting white couple

gangstas

A group of cultural sensitive community activists.

Disclaimer: What follows is Satire, and should not be given any other meaning.
LA, CA: The Association for the Promotion of Racism against Whites (APRW) has granted a group of culturally sensitive young Afro-Americans from Compton, California the Enlightened Understanding award, for practicing tolerance on a middle-aged couple from the Midwest, who took the wrong turn into their town.

“Them mothaf***ing crackers been riding into our turf like dey own da place”, one young lad explained eloquently, while waving his arms in the air like he just don’t care.
“I mean, how’s an honest brother is supposed to be making out a living for himself selling smack when da man is poking around, asking for directions like a narc? So we popped a cap in hizass, and two in his ho, for all the screams she den put up. My granny is sick, coz I been borrowing all ‘er medicine, so all yous inconsiderate whitebreads better keep ya mouth closed, and let her rest.”

The peaceful locals tolerated the lost couple with over 100 bullets of friendship; then sold the remains of their car to a local community entrepreneur: an auto-parts shop called the Cracker Cracker, which carried a lighthearted graffiti of a white man cut in half by a giant nutcracker to convey its message of cultural diversity.

President Obama has already issued a statement, calling the incident “the finest display of multicultural understanding, from the best of our nation’s youth”, and invited four prominent tolerance practitioners: Coke Dawg, Cherry Popper, Bust-a-nut, and G-Dope, for a formal visit in the European-American House.

“We’s all are very excited about this invite,” says Cherry Popper, while wiping white flour from his nose, “I heard the persident has a lot of rich-ass shizzle in that big ‘o house of his.”

Unfortunately, at this point in time, the well-meaning young lads are yet to be able to locate Washington DC on a map.

Categories: ESN, Satire

Obama approves mosque on top of white house, to promote freedom of conquest

07/09/2010 2 comments
white house mosque

The new, tolerant design of the first Dhimmi house

Monday, September 06th, 2010. ESN.

President Barack Obama spoke about the importance of understanding and tolerance in American society this morning, at the cornerstone ceremony of a new peace mosque, which will soon be built on top of the White House.
“America is the greatest country in the world of Allah.” said the president, while baring a perfect row of white teeth at Journalists.
“And it is my honor as the current ‘first Dhimmi’ to show its dedication to freedom, by submitting to the will of a foreign political power.”

Also speaking at the ceremony was Imam Rafik-Al-Achflachashtani, representative of the ‘obliteration of all infidels initiative’ – the organization behind the mosque, which is funded by Wahhabist Saudis, as well as various Islamic charity groups, such as “Feed the poor with automatic weapons”, and “Cut that clitoris” – the pro-life advocates who object to abortions, and female orgasms worldwide.
The Imam referred to the mosque as ‘the tower of conquest’, and said it was a great beginning of mutual understanding for both cultures.
“You insensitive brutes have to learn that Muslims are very insecure people, who can only feel good about themselves by oppressing every other group on the planet.”
He then added, in Arabic, “soon we shall crush you all under our heel, like a sweaty old man deflowering his 12-year-old niece”.

Upon hearing these words, several prominent liberal advisers to president Obama, including Hillary Clinton, have reportedly wept, explaining later that they could only imagine the sort of loving message he expressed in that threatening tone.
When asked whether she would like a translation, Mrs. Clinton replied “Why? I’ve never bothered to listen to what Muslims said before, and I’m certainly not going to start now.”

Categories: ESN, Satire

Erick Satire Vs. Lady Gaga – Poker Face Spoof

Disclaimer: The following text is satirical, and should not be given any other meaning.

 

Erick Satire Vs. Lady Gaga – Poker Face

Muh muh muh mah X 5

I need to come up with some lyrics for a song
Six to eight lines will surely pay for my new home
My admirers are simpletons, not overly complex
And they’ll think I’m a genius if I will sell them sex

Oh, oh, oh
I’ll get them hot, show them I’m a slut
Oh, oh, oh
I’ll make them hard, sell them what I’ve got

Can’t read my, can’t read my
No they can’t read my empty head
(She’s got no thought inside her)
Can’t see I’m, can’t see I’m
No they can’t see that I’m brain dead
(She’s got no thought inside her)

E-e-e-empty head, e-e-empty head
(Muh muh muh mah)
E-e-e-empty head, e-e-empty head
(Muh muh muh mah)

People see me as an innovator god
Like nobody has worn a dress that looked a little odd (oh really?)
I guess when education ends up as an empty word
Then glaring mediocrity fills up their inner void

Oh, oh, oh
I’ll get them hot, show them I’m a slut
Oh, oh, oh
I’ll make them hard, sell them what I’ve got

Can’t read my, can’t read my
No they can’t read my empty head
(She’s got no thought inside her)
Can’t see I’m, can’t see I’m
No they can’t see that I’m brain dead
(She’s got no thought inside her)

E-e-e-empty head, e-e-empty head
(Muh muh muh mah)
E-e-e-empty head, e-e-empty head
(Muh muh muh mah)

I can dance and I can dress
To keep every fool impressed
I’m not trying, you’re still buying
All the glitzy trash that I’m supplying

Just like a casket made of gold
I look much better from the outside
Till one day my show grows old
And you’ll find a better ride

Can’t read my, can’t read my
No they can’t read my empty head
(She’s got no thought inside her)
Can’t see I’m, can’t see I’m
No they can’t see that I’m brain dead
(She’s got no thought inside her)

Can’t read my, can’t read my
No they can’t read my empty head
(She’s got no thought inside her)
Can’t see I’m, can’t see I’m
No they can’t see that I’m brain dead
(She’s got no thought inside her)

E-e-e-empty head, e-e-empty head
(Muh muh muh mah)
X4

Buy my new album coz for you it’s like bread
(Muh muh muh mah)
Say I’m a genius – be part of the herd
(Muh muh muh mah)

Categories: Videos